Wednesday, December 4, 2013

A Bend in the Road

I love plans and I've always had one for my life.  Not super detailed, but I had milestones laid out in front of me for a decade...or more. 

While I was in high school, I knew I was going to graduate, go to college for two years, go on a mission for my church, finish with my four year degree (at a minimum, I really wanted a graduate degree), and THEN get married.

I knew it.

Do you ever know things like that?

Do you ever know things like that and then meet a guy named Steve who turns all your carefully laid plans upside down (or just tosses them out all together)?

I did.

And I was okay with that, I made a new plan.  I would have my beautiful children, I would be a stay at home mom (always been my dream) and then, when they were all in school, I would go to school, too.  I would discover the perfect major, the perfect job that would allow me to make a difference and add more purpose to my life.  I was counting down the years (no joke, I could plan my pregnancies and I knew how many kids I was going to have).

I should have known.  Don't you think I should have?  I didn't.  I still thought that once a plan was made, it would somehow come to pass.

When Makenna was in 3rd grade I started to read about homeschooling.  Just for fun.  Not that I was going to do that.  Nope.

When she was in 4th grade I read some more.  I thought it was just for fun, it was interesting, I like to read on a variety of topics and then one day I realized I wanted to homeschool. 

Oh well, so much for plans...right?

After homeschooling for a few months, I felt peace.  I felt a sense of purpose that wasn't there before and like I was making a difference in the world in my own home. 

Holy Cow.  I felt uplifted, amazed and blessed to have found what I was looking for no where near where I was looking.  Has that ever happened to you?

Then this year I've felt a little disquiet.  Not about homeschooling, but about my lack of milestone goals stretching out into the horizon.  I miss them.  I sort of feel like they should be there, but I don't have any idea where this homeschooling journey is headed (or when it's going to end...) so it's a little hard to make those goals.

Then, a few weeks ago I finished the second Mother Daughter Book Club book called Much Ado About Anne.  Each chapter heading has a quote from the book the mothers and daughters are reading, which, in this book, includes the first few books from the Anne of Green Gables series.

The very last quote says, "My future seemed to stretch out before me like a straight road.  I thought I could see along it for many a milestone.  Now there is a bend in it.  I don't know what lies around the bend, but I'm going to believe that the best does."

It jumped right off the page.  Do words every do that to you?  Even though I'm not exactly sure where this road is headed, I will continue to walk it with the faith that it will lead me where I need to be.  I  might find some of those milestones along the way, but for now, I'm going to try to be content with the journey.


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